Validation Within

It’s not easy putting yourself out there for others to judge. But as any artist—whether a painter, dancer, writer, musician, etc.—will tell you, it’s a necessary risk you must take to get your work out into the world.

I’m not great at talking myself up. I am sensitive and take things to heart. Constructive criticism is one thing, and I try hard to listen to it and learn from it. But unnecessarily harsh criticism is a whole other story.

I submitted my most recent children’s picture book, Mini Mighty, to an award competition called The Wishing Shelf. It’s based in the UK, backed by the Alliance of Independent Authors, and not too expensive to submit. However, after submitting, I started getting several emails a week about promoting my book through them. So many that I couldn’t wait for the results just so I could unsubscribe from the email list. Thankfully, now I can do that. But I had this weird feeling that anyone who bought one of their promotions would have a heads-up in the competition. And that just feels wrong.

I wasn’t expecting to win—not even the slightest bit. But I did think I’d at least make it to the finalists. This is my third children’s picture book and, honestly, I think it’s the best. My previous two have both won seals from other contests. And because I feel like my writing has greatly improved over the years, and the message of this book was so important, I thought it would at least make the top 20.

It did not.

No big deal, I told myself. I brushed it off and moved on.

Then I received an email with “reviews” of my book from children. The majority of the comments were written with “mum’s help”—aka mum wrote the whole thing. Most of them seemed to say the exact same thing, using the same wording, etc., which leads me to believe they weren’t genuinely from several different readers.

Mini Mighty is an anti-bullying book about a hummingbird who is picked on by the other birds for his size, long beak, etc. Anti-bullying is the theme here, along with the message that size does not matter—you can still make a difference in the world. And the refrain in the reviews? The bullying was too mean.

I’m not sure how to take that. Yes, the bullying is mean, but it’s birds making fun of another bird—and bullying is not kind. I don’t know if children in the UK are generally more shielded from bullying and cruelty than American children, and perhaps that’s the bigger issue here. But the wording wasn’t helpful or constructive. It seemed like the general gist of the book was completely misunderstood.

The reviews I’ve received up until now have been positive. I even had a retired librarian read it, and she loved it and thought the message was great. So I’m trying to shrug it off and move on. Not everyone is going to like my writing. It’s impossible to please everyone. And this is the perfect opportunity for me to let go of my need for outside validation.

Because while it’s extremely hard for me to hear negative feedback about work I pour my heart and soul into, I know I need to find my own worth within, focus on the positive, and tune out the rest.

I’m working up the nerve to completely delete the email so I don’t go back to it and rehash it all. That won’t do me any good.

In fact, I’m going to go delete it right now so I can make room for the supportive and kind people out there who lift others up instead of tearing them down.

Just like Mini Mighty.