Being Vulnerable
Most of my adult life I’ve been looking for a group of like-minded people on a similar journey to mine. People who are focused on improving themselves and want to help make the world a better place. I’m lucky to have some amazing connections and friends, but the majority do not live close by. We see each other maybe twice a year and while I love every moment we get to spend together, lately that yearning for something more has been too strong to ignore.
This past December I did something pretty big, at least for me, and attended an event all by myself. While I knew the woman running it, I also knew she would be busy with everyone there and I would most likely be standing off to the side awkwardly, a wallflower attempting to smile at people as they passed by, hoping they didn’t think I was weird. (I am weird, but that’s not always the best first impression to make.) To say I was nervous is an understatement. I had recently gone through a “break-up” with a friend I had - or thought I had - a deep connection with. My heart was raw, my sense of pride crushed, and my shields were up. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, who I met at that gathering was kind and genuine. My shields came down so much I choked back tears as I received a free mini head massage and reiki on my throat chakra. I allowed myself to be vulnerable, confessing I had been through a rough few months, when asked if I was ok. I left that event feeling like maybe, just maybe, I could allow people in again.
I went to another gathering at the same place later that month. Again, I was nervous, but I was excited to be around like-minded people once more. The event did not disappoint. The two women running it had genuine kind hearts and I exchanged numbers with the woman who sat next to me. We have since become good friends and I am so thankful to have met her. And even more thankful she was courageous enough to ask for my number and to text me right away afterwards to say how much she enjoyed meeting me. I felt the same way, but my guard was still up, although slightly less so than it had been.
After the holidays I decided to join a yearlong Sacred Goddess group run by the same two women. We’ve had three events so far and they have all been wonderful. I’ve allowed myself to be open and vulnerable with these women. I’ve shared some of the heaviness I’ve been struggling with and opened up about things I’ve been holding inside. There is no judgement among these women and no competition. All genuinely want to learn and grow together and be there for one another.
Being vulnerable is hard. Everyone has been hurt at some point in their lives by others. Sometimes it’s not intentional, it just happens. But sometimes it is, and those times the pain is felt much deeper and longer. Sometimes you’re hurt so badly you end up feeling like it’s not worth trusting people again. You want to spare yourself that heartache. I felt like that for a few months, and even some days still think maybe that’s the safer way to go. But being guarded and not allowing others in only lets you build relationships so far. And I love connecting with authentic, like-minded people too much to keep myself closed off.
The more hurt I overcome, the better I can relate to others and help them in their time of need. And ultimately that’s my mission during my lifetime: to help others alchemize their pain into gold. But to do that I must allow myself to be vulnerable regardless of the outcome. It’s ok to take some time to go inwards, to recover and heal when you’ve been hurt, but afterwards it’s time to shine again.
So be brave and vulnerable. Put yourself out there. Wear your heart on your sleeve. Be honest and open. Chances are you will get hurt at times, but that’s a part of life. You’ll never find your people if you refuse to let anyone in. You’ll never find your place if you close yourself off. And if you don’t find your place even after being open and vulnerable? Create that place for others. Because there is a world of people out there wanting to connect and create community. And they might just be waiting for you to get the process started.