Breaking Open

I was cracking and I couldn’t stop it.

Like a fault line down the middle of my soul,

shattering me to pieces and causing me to unravel

in such a way I didn’t think I’d ever be okay again.

It was intense and brutal. My heart felt like it was being torn apart.

Everything came out of me in a violet burst of pain that shook me to my core.

It was slow and drawn out. It took months to reach the summit

and by the time it was over I was raw inside. Like I had been scraped out

and left hollow. When it finally stopped there was a part of me that wanted

to allow it to be my end. Book shut; story finished.

But that’s not who I am. It’s never who I’ve been.

I picked myself up, despite the exhaustion in my soul.

I wobbled on shaken legs, unsteady in my own body, unsure of my own mind.

And then the light came flooding in.

Something I had only ever felt before in fleeting moments.

Something I once tried desperately to cling to

but never could make it last. A feeling, a stirring, an awakening.

Deep within my bones. A knowing in my soul.

A connection with everyone and everything.

My heart expanded in a way I didn’t know was humanly possible.

Moments of pure bliss, divine love, sheer gratitude for this life, this very existence.

Not fleeting, but lasting. For days, weeks, months at a time.

An urge to bring this happiness to others grew inside me.

A calling to help lead the way.

And my eyes, now, they stay wide open.

And my arms, always, spread wide open.

And my heart, forever, is burst wide open.